is such an awful thing. Literally tearing families apart. Look at mine! Maybe divorce was better than us staying together, but is this really the best thing?
My dad lives in a different county, with a woman I hate. (I don't hate many people. Maybe I don't hate her, but I know I will never like her.) Even she is starting to regret her decision to share a house with him, because he's trying to control her life. He's making Ben stay at his house every weekend so he can keep an eye on him; apparently he doesn't trust him with Mom. And I barely see him. I don't have time to go to his house on the weekends. I'm usually busy with friends or chores on Saturday and my Sunday is busy with errands all over Naples. Awesome. I don't get to see my Dad.
Here at home with Mom, things have gotten a little out of control, too. When she's not working, she's on her computer (ya, we got her totally hooked on facebook) or complaining about how much she needs to get done. Although, this has gotten better, which I'm pretty happy about. Maybe I can get better at that too.. :s
My grandma on my Dad's side divorced my grandpa (and remarried) before he died. Now, her husband is in the hospital because of cancer. She's already making plans to sell their house and move in with my dad. She's not going to take care of her dying husband - she's going to leave him for his kids to take care of.
I'm so scared of divorce. I want to get married some day. I want to find the love of my life and stay with him forever... But I'm so scared that I'll say I'll love him forever, and that we'll never leave each other, but look - look at all these couples that said that to each other before they were married. Look at them now. They hate each other. They can't talk to each other without being hostile. They don't talk at all anymore. They have decent relations for the sake of their kids. I don't want that! I want true love, forever. But what if that's too much to ask for...
2.02.2010
Expenses
My family life has been so up and down since the divorce. Right now, it's down. Way down. My mom is being less productive than ever around the house (although I admit, I'm not being very helpful, either) and she's constantly fighting with Ben, giving him reasons not to go to friends' houses or the skatepark. And every time any of us has a conversation with Dad, it ends in a screaming match because he's so uncooperative and stubborn. Recently, the latest topic to argue about has been me...
I have my license now. I've been looking online and at dealerships for a car. My dad has trucks that he's selling and he's willing to use that money towards my car. When I started looking, he gave me guidelines: less than $10,000, 100,000 miles, and 10 years. I found about 4 cars in the area that fit my criteria - regarding looks, of course - and his. As time has passed (the weeks go by so quickly now and I can't figure out if that's good or not), he's told me that he can only put about $4,000 towards a down payment immediately. He said the rest will come before I go to college. That's too long. This means that we'll have to finance to buy a car before my birthday or graduation, which makes the overall price go wayyy up. He also wants Mom to cover the rest, besides the $4,000. This is a big problem. Right now, living in the house with Ben and the dogs, her part-time job (even Naples finally felt the recession) is leaving us in the red. The money her parents (my grandparents) left is the only thing keeping us afloat right now. But you wouldn't know it! She's still spending plenty. I didn't even know that, until my mom talked to me about it yesterday. I feel so awful for being so expensive... Yet she's the one who just spent $2,000 on a brand new laptop. Awesome. Anyway.. Mom can't afford to pay approximately $500 a month for a car that I don't have the need for - in her opinion. Dad was saying he'd put away $1250 to accumulate for a car for me - I don't even know what happened to that anymore, but he hasn't mentioned it recently. Ugh so complicated. Plus, Mom doesn't agree with Dad's criteria, at all. She says, as long as it runs and it's not a piece of junk, it's okay to settle for something older and more used, for a first car. I don't even know what to think anymore.
And about college, Mom and I went to a meeting about financial aid, and she told me she wants me to apply to FGCU (local college) as a back up. I'm already admitted - not just accepted! - to FIT. Even thinking about going to FGCU crushes all my dreams and I just can't take that. FIT is expensive... but with my merit scholarship, federal aid, grants, and possibly even loans, we can make it, right? I don't want to be in debt for the rest of my life, but I don't want to be stuck in a school and major that I can't stand. This is so hard. Then again, no one said life would be easy.
I have my license now. I've been looking online and at dealerships for a car. My dad has trucks that he's selling and he's willing to use that money towards my car. When I started looking, he gave me guidelines: less than $10,000, 100,000 miles, and 10 years. I found about 4 cars in the area that fit my criteria - regarding looks, of course - and his. As time has passed (the weeks go by so quickly now and I can't figure out if that's good or not), he's told me that he can only put about $4,000 towards a down payment immediately. He said the rest will come before I go to college. That's too long. This means that we'll have to finance to buy a car before my birthday or graduation, which makes the overall price go wayyy up. He also wants Mom to cover the rest, besides the $4,000. This is a big problem. Right now, living in the house with Ben and the dogs, her part-time job (even Naples finally felt the recession) is leaving us in the red. The money her parents (my grandparents) left is the only thing keeping us afloat right now. But you wouldn't know it! She's still spending plenty. I didn't even know that, until my mom talked to me about it yesterday. I feel so awful for being so expensive... Yet she's the one who just spent $2,000 on a brand new laptop. Awesome. Anyway.. Mom can't afford to pay approximately $500 a month for a car that I don't have the need for - in her opinion. Dad was saying he'd put away $1250 to accumulate for a car for me - I don't even know what happened to that anymore, but he hasn't mentioned it recently. Ugh so complicated. Plus, Mom doesn't agree with Dad's criteria, at all. She says, as long as it runs and it's not a piece of junk, it's okay to settle for something older and more used, for a first car. I don't even know what to think anymore.
And about college, Mom and I went to a meeting about financial aid, and she told me she wants me to apply to FGCU (local college) as a back up. I'm already admitted - not just accepted! - to FIT. Even thinking about going to FGCU crushes all my dreams and I just can't take that. FIT is expensive... but with my merit scholarship, federal aid, grants, and possibly even loans, we can make it, right? I don't want to be in debt for the rest of my life, but I don't want to be stuck in a school and major that I can't stand. This is so hard. Then again, no one said life would be easy.
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